When it's More Than "Not Trying Hard Enough": Understanding Learning Differences and Executive Functioning Challenges in Kids
Some kids seem to constantly forget their homework, lose their things, or melt down when asked to clean their room. Maybe they daydream in class, or take hours to start a 5-minute task. As a parent or educator, it’s easy to think: “They’re just not trying hard enough.” But what if there’s more to the story?
Executive functioning challenges and learning disabilities are often misunderstood. These are not about motivation or willpower—they’re rooted in how the brain organizes, plans, and manages information. And when they go unrecognized, kids can feel like they’re failing at things their peers seem to do with ease. They often internalize the idea that they’re not “good enough.” But the truth is: it’s not about trying harder. It’s about learning differently.
In this post, we’ll unpack what executive functioning is, how it connects to learning differences, and what signs suggest a child might need more support instead of more pressure.
What Is Executive Functioning?
Executive functioning refers to a set of mental skills that help us manage time, pay attention, switch focus, plan and organize, remember details, regulate emotions, and control impulses. Think of it as the brain’s air traffic control system – it keeps everything running smoothly and on schedule.
There are three core areas of executive function:
Working memory: Holding information in mind and using it, such as keeping track of multiple steps, following through with directions, and juggling tasks.
Cognitive flexibility: Switching gears, adjusting to change, and seeing things from different perspectives without getting stuck
Inhibitory control: Managing impulses, resisting distractions, and staying focused.
Strong executive functioning skills are essential for learning, managing daily routines, socializing, and developing independence. But for some kids, these skills don’t come easily, and that’s not their fault.
Executive Dysfunction vs. “Normal” Struggles
It’s normal for kids to struggle with executive tasks at times. After all, these skills develop over time and aren’t fully mature until young adulthood. But when the challenges are persistent, pervasive, and interfere with daily life, it could be a sign of executive dysfunction.
Here’s how to tell the difference:
Typical developmental struggles include: occasionally forgetting homework; needing reminders to start chores; becoming distracted during boring or longer tasks; taking time to adjust to changes; occasionally being emotional after school; needing reminders or redirection when ending an engaging activity; able to complete projects they like, but abandoning tasks if they are not of interest or too difficult.
Executive dysfunction looks like: often being disorganized; routinely forgetting or losing work despite support; regularly getting "stuck" and being unable to initiate or switch tasks; frequently getting distracted, even during enjoyable activities; hyperfocusing on specific preferred tasks for a long time; becoming overwhelmed or shutting down with transitions; daily meltdowns and trouble regulating frustration; often rushing at the last minute or not realizing how long things will take; difficulty following through or completing projects even when interested.
Kids with executive functioning challenges aren’t being defiant or lazy. They may be doing the best they can within the limits of their brain’s current development.
“They Do Fine When They’re Interested”: What That Really Means
A common point of confusion is that kids with executive functioning difficulties often seem to have excellent focus or skills in some areas. Maybe they focus for hours on Minecraft, or write beautifully when it’s a topic they love.
This can make adults believe the issue is laziness or defiance, but executive functioning challenges often fluctuate based on interest, novelty, structure and support, and stress or fatigue.
Children with ADHD, for example, don’t lack attention – they struggle to regulate it. That’s why they might hyperfocus on something fun for hours but freeze up on a writing assignment. It's not about trying harder. It’s about having the right tools and supports.
What Conditions Are Linked to Executive Dysfunction?
Executive function difficulties are often associated with certain neurodevelopmental and learning profiles, including:
ADHD: A hallmark of ADHD is poor executive functioning. Kids may struggle with impulse control, attention, organization, and follow-through.
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Many autistic children have executive functioning challenges related to flexibility, planning, and emotional regulation.
Learning Disabilities (LD): Kids with dyslexia, dysgraphia, or dyscalculia may also struggle with executive skills, especially as academic demands increase.
Anxiety or Depression: High anxiety can disrupt working memory and focus; depression may impact motivation and initiation.
Executive dysfunction can also exist on its own, without a formal diagnosis, but still significantly impact a child’s academic and daily functioning.
“Not Trying” vs. Skill Gaps
A common frustration among parents and teachers is the sense that a child could do better if they just tried. But here’s the thing: effort doesn’t always equal outcome.
A child may want to finish their project but feel paralyzed by the first step. They may understand the math but forget the steps under pressure. They may know they should stop talking out of turn, but their impulse control isn’t there yet.
It’s not a motivation problem. It’s a skill gap. This is where compassionate assessment and support can make a world of difference.
Signs Your Child Might Need Support
Consider seeking help if your child:
Frequently forgets instructions or loses track of what they’re doing
Has trouble starting or completing tasks, even ones they like
Struggles with time management or estimating how long things take
Has difficulty with transitions or unexpected changes
Becomes easily overwhelmed by multi-step tasks
Seems much more emotionally reactive than peers
Has inconsistent academic performance despite seeming bright
Is often labelled “lazy,” “defiant,” or “unmotivated”
None of these behaviours point to a child lacking in potential. They point to a child needing the right tools, understanding, and support.
Building Executive Functioning Skills
Executive functioning can be strengthened over time, especially with support. Strategies include:
Externalizing tasks: Use checklists, visual schedules, planners.
Chunking: Break large assignments into smaller steps.
Timers and routines: Support time awareness and transitions.
“Body double” strategies: Sit with your child during tasks without intervening.
Emotional regulation tools: Use calming strategies like breathing, movement, or sensory tools.
Praise effort, not just results: Highlight growth and problem-solving attempts.
Therapy and coaching can also help children build skills in emotional regulation, organization, and task management, especially when these challenges lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, or frustration.
Reframing the Narrative
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking a child should be able to do something because their peers can, or because they can do it sometimes. But brain development doesn’t work on a strict timeline.
Instead of asking, “Why won’t they just try harder?” ask:
What might be getting in the way?
What support do they need to succeed?
How can I see their effort, even if the outcome isn’t there yet?
Because when we shift the narrative from blame to understanding, we empower our kids to grow, not just academically, but emotionally, too.
How Can an Assessment Help?
A psychoeducational assessment can provide a detailed picture of your child’s strengths, learning style, and challenges. It can identify:
Executive functioning skills and areas of difficulty
Specific learning disabilities (e.g., dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia)
Attention-related concerns (e.g., ADHD)
Processing speed or working memory issues
Emotional or behavioural factors impacting learning
With this information, you can better understand why your child is struggling and how to help.
Assessments also open the door to appropriate accommodations, like:
Extra time on tests or assignments
Visual schedules or checklists
Task breakdown and support with initiation
Access to technology tools (like speech-to-text or timers)
Individualized resource support in school
More importantly, they can provide emotional relief for both children and parents. When kids understand that their brain works differently (not worse), they can begin to rebuild self-esteem and confidence.
What About Therapy?
In some cases, working with a neuroaffirming therapist with training in executive functioning strategies can help children:
Learn planning and organizational skills
Build confidence and self-advocacy
Manage stress and emotions
Navigate school more independently
These interventions are even more effective when paired with family involvement and school collaboration.
Why Choose Stillpoint Psychology?
We are a Toronto-based team of registered psychologists offering therapy and assessments for children, teens, adults, and families. We bring a warm, client-centered approach that integrates evidence-based practices with genuine care.
We specialize in psychoeducational assessments that help uncover the why behind learning challenges, so children can get the support they need to thrive. Our approach is:
Compassionate and strength-based
Neuroaffirming and client-centered
Focused on clarity, collaboration, and practical recommendations
Whether your child is navigating ADHD, a learning disability, autism, or something you can’t quite name yet, we’re here to help you understand what’s going on and what can help.
Thinking About an Assessment or Therapy?
We’re here to guide you through every step. Contact us to book a free 15-minute consultation and learn more about our services.
